For urgent processing: pleeeaase, the boss is breathing down my neck, and I haven’t the faintest clue what this is, save me!

Diffuse mildly enlarged thyroid: I didn’t feel it, the boss did.

Ill defined nodularity in the upper, outer quadrant of the right breast for FNAC: I saw you joblessly loitering in the canteen, so I’m sending some business your way; enjoy the hide and seek!

22 year old woman with vaginal bleeding every 28 days, to rule out endometrial pathology: now, I am jobless.

FNAC benign, frozen section to rule out malignancy: buddy, I don’t trust you.

Please issue duplicate slides for further management: I still don’t trust you.

2500 ml of urine from a dipsomaniac, to look for malignant cells: I didn’t know how to discard it.

5 × 0.5 cm axillary node for FNAC, patient is HIV positive: I don’t have the nerve to biopsy it.

Please look for Helicobacter pylori: the consumer forum president has become flatulent; scopy’s normal, tummy’s no trouble; dig into that haystack, find a needle, and save us all from the ordeal.

Request for a complete necropsy on a patient who died 420 days after an aspirate from a lipomatous swelling on his right little toe: we don’t know why he died, but we’re hoping to pin the blame on you.